gratitude adjustment

The last couple days have been kind of rough.  I feel like I’m saying that a lot lately, but I guess that means there have been a lot of rough days lately.  The last couple weeks the baby has been on a pretty good day sleep schedule (we will not discuss night waking because that is an entirely different matter).  However, the man left on Wednesday for ‘business’ and for the next two nights the baby has been up every hour and his day sleep has consisted of two 30 minute naps each day.  Mama is a little harried.  Last night was slightly better and other than an unexpected interruption, today naps have been better, too.

Yesterday morning he got up at 6:15 (that’s AM… oh, okay, you know… just making sure that was clear) and after about 90 minutes I gave up trying to get him back to sleep.  As I meandered around the house tossing smoothie ingredients in the Vitamix (and hoping they were landing in there, but really not paying much attention), my brain slipped into this place of thinking about all the things I have to be thankful for.  As desperate and exhausted as I felt, I was happily surprised when my rambling thoughts went there.  I may be sleep deprived, but I have a lot of things in my life that I am very very grateful for.

cake

my sister and her courage and bravery to speak up, ask for help, not try to go it alone (like usual)

our friendship – we spent many years hating one another for childish, ridiculous things and we’ve come around to a place where we honor, respect and appreciate each other and  for this I am MOST grateful

the opportunity to have an empowered birth on my own terms, in my own home, with my loving, supportive partner and sister by my side

the journey through Pip’s autism, the healing that has taken place, the recovery we have seen, and his wide open heart (he’s a 5th grader this week, fully mainstreamed, I can’t believe it!)

this home we rent, the gorgeous kitchen where we prepare meals full of love every single day, the cozy bed I sleep in and the man I sleep next to (when he isn’t away…)

my woobie… The Little Mermaid comforter I have from high school that I sleep with when the man is gone.  you can’t find comforters made of cotton and soft and squishy like this anymore, nope nope

that through financial struggle, we use our creativity and resources to buy the most healthy, nourishing food we can afford and we always have enough

that I get to be with the baby every day and that I get to parent him with 10 years of parenting already under my belt

that I had the opportunity to meet The Man’s grandmother before Alzheimer’s began stealing her brain piece by piece; she’s a fine lady full of spice and even with rapidly deteriorating Alzheimer’s, her sassiness peeks through

that Hopper and Pip, who are with the othermother this week, are physically unharmed after getting in a car wreck with her today and that I got to see them and feel them and know they are intact (if not very shaken up)

that through some sort of miracle (and extreme generosity on her part), I earned a scholarship to Meagan Francis’ online writing class which is the next step in this journey toward a symbiosis of being a writer and a parent while making writing part of my every day and eventually an important part of my family’s financial sustenance (assuming all goes well…)

I am truly, deeply blessed (and way freaking tired).

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2 thoughts on “gratitude adjustment

  1. It is hard – harder some days than others – but also real, you know? Sometimes life sucks, but when we can remind ourselves of all the stuff that doesn’t suck, it takes the edge off.

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