on the road

So what is an introvert with a post-partum anxiety disorder thinking going to a blogger conference?

I’ll tell you in 3 days.

Deep breath. I wasn’t supposed to be able to go.  It heard about it back in October and filed it away as one of those things that I’d like to do but probably wouldn’t happen.  Days after the tickets were sold out and I’d kissed the notion of going goodbye, the stars aligned.  The Man nudged me,  he believed we could make it happen and he really wanted me to go.  {If the whole conference sucks it will still be worth it because he believed in me enough to make it happen.}

When we bought our plane tickets (which include some time to visit the man’s family in southern Kentucky) I wasn’t sure about the bouncing around we would be doing. Landing in Nashville one day, going to Kentucky for a day, coming back to Nashville for Blissdom, coming back to Kentucky for a few days, flying back out of Nashville.  My head was spinning thinking about it. But I’m glad we did it this way. When I get into the pool in the summer, I like to dip my toe in, get in slowly, get used to the water.  Me and the unknown, we aren’t friends. For the last day I’ve been in Kentucky, dipping my toe. I’m almost there.

The closer it gets, the less terrified I am. When I read posts like this I realize I’m not alone. I’m not the only ‘newbie’, I’m not the only  ‘introvert’, I’m not the only person cataloging a comprehensive list of her flaws certain that they will be magnified. I’m still scared, I’m still an introvert, but the more excited I get, the less nervous I get. I’ll take it.

Tomorrow I’ll get up early, rearrange some things in suitcases, pack the car and head to Nashville; stepping off the ladder, immersing myself in the refreshing, tingling, new waters of Blissdom. I think I’m ready.

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