Some days, the fact that I get anything at all accomplished in a storm of anxiety and emotion feels like a miracle. Today was one of those days. And this is what I did, while staving off a massive anger spiral:
Made fried plantains in coconut oil for my breakfast, with a side of cashew butter for dipping. Delicious.
Resisted stabbing the Man when he came home an hour later than expected from his martial arts class without even considering apologizing until I prompted him.
Pulled in my oars around a decision over new pots and pans after he effectively killed my last sauce pan yesterday by putting it on the stove not once, but twice, without anything in it. For a long time.
Crocheted a pirate eye patch waiting to leave for Mack’s friend’s pirate birthday party. This was actually a diversion from again taking out my rage on the Man who, 5 minutes before we needed to be out the door, decided to brew himself some coffee AND get together some documents for a letter he needed to send out. When people say “I knit so I don’t kill people” THEY ARE NOT KIDDING.
Didn’t get frost bite at said pirate party which was held outside. In 37 degree weather.
Again, didn’t kill the Man when I asked him to keep an eye on Mack while I ran Pip across town to a sleepover and he pushed me to take Mack with me because he was standing around the fire with ‘the guys’.
Showed Pip’s friend’s mom how to use his epi-pen and what to do if he has a peanut reaction. This brings me to my knees every time because it drives home how scary and dangerous his allergy is and how little I can protect him while allowing him to have his own life.
Calmly, peacefully and directly told the Man I was feeling uncomfortable and anxious when I got back and that I wanted to go home. Even though these are our close friends there were A LOT of people there and I had reached my limit. He obliged my request even though I know he wanted to stay (and I did to, but I just couldn’t). This was very hard. Usually I try to ‘chin up’ and ‘muscle through’ and I spiral and end up being passive aggressive and gnarly. But I didn’t do that. I was clear and firm and we were all the better for it.
Made a delicious chicken soup for dinner, with the help of the Man.
Managed to get Mack into the bath and into bed with minimal fuss.
Sat on the couch with my girl and watched a terrible holiday show on Netflix that was rampant with sexism, which we talked about. (Must I preview EVERYTHING?!?)
Finished this lovely scarf while we watched.
Ate too many Trader Joe’s Honey Mints and didn’t beat myself up about it (too much).
Turned over my water kefir and flavored the batch with apple juice and fresh ginger, per Pip’s request. (Aren’t they pretty? These are the happiest grains every, they grow so crazy I don’t know what to do with them all and can’t bear to toss the extras.)
Wrote this post, marveling at how lucky the Man was today, and hit publish.